\input tex
\twentypointpunk
\input tex

Michael --

Hey! You don't have an answering machine! Oh well, it probably saved�
me money to not leave long boring messages.

I am so glad I got to see you when you came through SF. I wish you�
could have stayed longer. It would be fun to go through the city with�
someone not from here (even though you've been here before) as it�
makes me look at the damn place again.

Did I tell you I'm putting off my New Mexico move indefinitely. I�
don't want to leave Greta, Valerie, Deke or Clay, and I like our�
house. I'm gonna cut a hole in the roof and add a trap door, so I can�
have air (it gets fucken hot in here in the summer/fall) and that will�
help the physical place a bit.

Hey, I really liked hanging out with you, even though we just partied�
etc that night, which I'm not usually so hot on. I'm pretty�
comfortable around you, which is pretty interesting all by itself.

That Saturday at SPEW we talked about all sorts of stuff, and you told�
me a little about Sky (spelling?) and stuff about sex and whatever. I�
know there's a lot going on in your head and I don't want to meddle.�
We live so far away, and we met briefly in one weekend, and though I�
like you a lot and apparently vice versa, I don't expect anything, no�
matter what I'd selfishly {\it like} to do (Which is hang out with you�
more). And I'm absolutely not into being pushy in any way, period. So�
I thought I'd just tell you where I'm at, and you can mention it�
later, or not. (I hope you will though even if it's just to tell me to�
shut up!)

I like sleeping with you, and it was actually great to not have any�
sort of sex. Really! What I have been working out, and I told you most�
of it, is what it is I want, what my relationship to sex is. I jerk�
off, a {\it lot}. I like it! I no longer fantasize over people and all�
that (sex energy is a subject all to itself, I'll skip it for now, ask�
if you care), but for release, for fun, or my own benefit.

I can get horny just standing in a room. Sexual pleasure is also�
simply one of the most intense pleasurable things us humans have, so�
it gets tied to all sorts of intense things. Like, even just sleeping�
with someone you like. Then of course there's plain old sexual�
attraction drives, and all sort of stuff. Mix it together, and you get�
a confusing mess.

I think you're hot, and I like you a lot also. Plus I get horny just�
because I'm alive. 

Simply jerking off, together or separately, I think is really mostly�
what I want. The other stuff, hanging out, talking, joking, cuddling,�
fooling around, wrestling, whatever, is actually the most fun part.�
Some people don't consider jerking off ``real sex''. I sure as fuck�
do! Dicks in butts is great, I guess, but I have a small asshole�
anyways and it's a lot of effort and sort of requires massive-scale�
horniness, which I'm certainly capable of, but I'm definitely not�
really into these days. Never minds its connection to AIDS and all�
that. 

Anyways, the togetherness, fun, and masturbation etc is for me the�
perfect formula I think. I guess I've been sort of stuck on this�
typical gay idea of having to have complicated sex, when I really�
don't want to. {\it That} is one of the things I'm getting over.

So, I hope this hasn't sounded all serious and grim and shit, cuz it's�
not to me. I like you a lot, I have no idea what is going to happen,�
if anything, and I wanted to simply let you know how I feel about you�
and sex and whatever. OK?

Oh yeah, one serious grim buncha shit. Here's where I'm at regarding�
sex and AIDS and such. 

I was tested as negative in August, 1987. I had had nothing but ``safe�
sex'' for about a year before that. I have done nothing but safe-sex�
since then. Other than my miserable fucking allergies (and asthma,�
which is nearly gone, and hypoglycemia, aargh) I'm healthy, and I see�
no reason to get tested again unless something changes. Not likely.

You didn't say if you are positive or negative, or even if you know. I�
will tell you this: while I obviously hope you're negative, it will�
make no difference to me if you are positive or unknown. I've thought�
about this a lot.

So enough of that. That's all the difficult stuff I've got to say,�
anyways. 

My job truly sucks. It's getting worse and worse. The guy  I have to�
work with, Ernie, is about as dull and grim as you can possibly get.�
And I thought I was cynical! And the guy in charge is an idiot. Or did�
I tell you all this already.

Worse is, it's getting to be long hours, as we're behind (because the�
idiot engineer doesn't order the stuff we need until the last minute,�
instead of planning ahead) and so it will mean 70 hour weeks towards�
April. Oh what fun! Oh well, it will mean a fuckload of money anyways.

I won't have any free time until it's over, hopefully before May! Then�
I'll not be working for hopefully a few months. It would be a good�
time to come up and visit, if you can stand it. 

So today I wrote a million fucking letters, two to Teg. I paid bills,�
and now I'm broke again. Sucks. I'm gonna get another tattoo!!!�
Fuckyeah! (Always the thing to do when you're broke; spend next�
month's rent money.)

Well, I'm gonna go take a shower, then go over to Clay's house and�
look at the new program he got for his computer (exciting, huh). 


Enjoy your overromaticized depressive plight, I'll talk to you�
later\dots

\bye
