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\twelvepointconcreteroman
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Josh --

\dropcap{H}ere's the horrorscopes. Boy are the interpretations stupid.�
If you know someone who can interpret them better, by all means ask. I�
cannot print out the graphic wheel yet, the software is fucked up.�
Some of the things appear to contradict others; I think what is�
happening is, the planetary things are supposed ``influences'' when�
the Sun is in that sign or whatever, ie.~influences change with time�
(that is, orbits, etc). I just make 'em, not interpret 'em. I re-did�
yours, because between the time typo and the location error (Detroit�
vs.~Ann Arbor) it actually changed things. It's all amusing anyways.

\dropcap{I} think I really fucked up with Teg. Larry-Bob (ran into at�
the caf\'e) sez that textual stuff doesn't matter, but pictures do�
(re:~bustability of sexual matter). I have to write a letter to Teg�
today or tomorrow, sigh. Oh well, in any case he {\it does} put�
himself out there, way hard. I suppose if I write again I might be�
able to repair it before I become another component of his public�
laundry-airing (I'm not so much worried about that, as I am that he'll�
be mad at me). I tend to be paranoid about bustability, but I think�
with reason:~I have a Federal Firearms License, I've done marginal�
things promoting quasi-legal extremely high-tech data encryption�
(illegal to export from the U.S., and the author was threatened with a�
large scale lawsuit by the corp.~he stole the patented algorithm�
from\dots), HOMOCORE, FidoNet in general (direct, unmonitored and�
unmonitorable communications to Eastern Block countries (when that�
mattered more) (more illegal exports)\dots

\dropcap{H}ave I told you recently how much I love you?\footnote*{A�
lot.} I am having a hard time thinking about writing you a sexy�
letter. OK, partly it's because it's 1:30AM and I'm tired. Partly�
because, it's like self-torture. It rubs in the fact that I cannot�
touch you or see you. Phone calls will drive me broke, and are barely�
like scratching an itch -- it gets worse the more I scratch.

This will be a short letter. I can't do the sex-letter thing right�
now. We are psychically bound. I've felt it before, and tonite (the�
feeling that I should call you at 8PM\dots) was merely one�
correlation. My internal energies ebb and swell, and have nothing to�
do with what I feel for you\footnote{**}{That is, just because I'm not�
writing you a sexy letter tonight doesn't mean my desire for you has�
lessened.}. When I go to sleep at night, I feel incomplete without you�
to hold. 

\dropcap{T}his letter is deteriorating into typographical fetishism.�
I'll stop now. I hope you get that job and make tons of money real�
fast and move to San Fagsicko in a few weeks instead of a few months�
and Dina becomes happy for you like she should and anyways realize�
that you being here helps her moving (OK so I can dream can't I) and�
besides, and to change the subject, give me her complete birth info�
(place, time, date) and if non-US, then I'll need latitude and�
longitude reasonably exactly, and I'll make her a complete chart too.

OK, obviously my brane is deteriorating into undifferentiated mush so�
I better stop while I'm ahead. Think of me when you jerk off, I�
certainly do you. (Positive visualization + masturbation = your most�
basic functional sex ritual: amazingly effective. Work out in your�
head clear images of {\it what you want to see as reality}, literal,�
schematic, visual, feelings, sensations, anything else, or any�
combination, and work on them as you approach orgasm, and try to hold�
one or a small set at orgasm. Repeat with adjustments over time.�
External cause and effect? Creating an internal bias towards success�
in your own head? (Training through implanting intentional memories?)�
Who cares. {\it Be careful what you ask for, you may get it!})

It's now ten til two. I am tired. I was going to go out to Tire Beach�
for one of the aforementioned sex ritual things, but I'll settle for�
sleep for now. See you in my dreams\dots

\vfill
\dropcap{PS:} OK, it's Tuesday now, there were so many typos and�
fuckups I had to edit today. It's a stupid letter. 

\bye
