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\twelvepointconcreteroman
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Dear fuckable Josh --

\dropcap{I} am bored, frustrated, annoyed, broke, tired, distracted,�
dissatisfied, and sore. Plus I burned all my beans yesterday, and�
Valerie's soup today. Plus a roommate is moving out (Mark, our�
``straight male'', who now has a boyfriend. Hmm.) Plus our sublets�
from hell are just that.

Other than that, everything's fine. Really. It's 9PM Monday night. I�
was supposed to go drink caffeine with Barry, but he cancelled due to�
irritability caused by lack of sleep. Will call him tomorrow AM. I�
will be going to Diet Popstitute's benefit for PLAYSTITUTE.�
Klubstitute is currently homeless. 

Teg (Bundle of Sticks) is coming to SF 10 Aug. Boy, does he know how�
to burn bridges. If you see BOS \#6, get it. 

\bigskip
\dropcap{T}hings aren't as bad as they may sound from my first�
paragraph. This is my usual resting state these days. The boredom,�
frustration and dissatisfied are simply part of not knowing what I�
want to do when I grow up. Like what's happened to you upon returning�
to Detroit, I feel like I'm trapped in the same reality as when I�
left. 
I got this far without saying how much I miss you, and want you here!�
Boo hoo! I don't even want to play any music. My old stuph is old, and�
the stuph I taped from you reminds me too much of you (so of course I�
play it anyways).

We have a room available now. We're gonna go through our usual�
hierarchy of preferences: dyke, fag, straight woman, but this time�
we're gonna skip the bottom of the list, straight male. Who fucken�
needs 'em.

Obviously having talked to you yesterday I have nothing to say. I'm�
basically killing time until I go out to Diet's benefit. I actually�
don't have any projects I want to work on right now! This has been my�
frustrating ``boredom'' state this entire year. Never in my life have�
I not had at least one or two projects I'm dying to work on. At least�
I broke the paralysis of inaction that was consuming me earlier this�
year. 

Again, I was walking (downtown this time) when I was overwhelmed with�
the desire to hold your hand and just walk around. That is, other than�
thinking about you more or less constantly of course.

\dropcap{O}k, it's 9:20 the same night. I hope you get this before you�
go to Seattle. Possibly not. Maybe your mother will open it to see�
what I say. Too bad it's so boring. I was asleep on my bed at 6PM,�
after I ate. It was very hot, as it always is in my room at that time�
cuz of the skylight. I was still very horny (having just jerked off�
massively, yes, thinking of you, and glancing at a photo of you on my�
wall as I came). I have a pair of cutoff pants on, kids size 20 �
(you'll approve, zipper and snap waist, you can get them off easily),�
my red hitops, and my dog collar that reminds me of you. I had taken�
my shirt off earlier because of the heat. I was asleep on my side,�
curled up. I wanted so badly for you to quietly come up, stick your�
hand down the front of my pants and grab my dick, roll me flat and lay�
on top of me with your hand under me. What you'd do next is totally up�
to you, most likely you could do pretty much what you want, and I�
would like nothing better than please you\dots{} enthusiastically. 

But instead I ended up climbing out of bed without masturbating a�
second time, because that's when Valerie got home and noticed I burned�
her soup. Fuck. I didn't smell it of course. I never do.

\bigskip
\dropcap{F}ucken hell, it's 9:33, I'm horny again thinking about you�
and writing this letter. Guess what I'm gonna go do. I have a shirt�
on, well, two, a black T-shirt and a cutup old turtleneck (turtleneck�
and sleeves cut off) and I'll pull it up, cum on my belly and pretend�
you're there to smear it around and maybe stick some in my mouth.�
Fuck. I miss you, can you guess?

OK, so next I'm gonna run this letter through my spell-checker (it�
catches the turned into hte, etc), crunch it with the big ugly program�
and coax my printer into accepting some cool piece of paper I'll find�
in my collection. Maybe you'll read it this week. I hope so.

See you in my dreams\dots



\bye
